The Distorted Order Of Things

​They say you don’t know the value of what you have until you lose it. What about the things you almost had but didn’t want, the ones you could have had but ignored? Do they suddenly become more valuable when they are no longer within your easy reach?

Very often — I don’t know how often, truly. I know from my experiences and from those I’ve gathered from people — it happens that when we need people or maybe like them, they do not care as much as we do. We try, we stick around for a while and eventually, we get tired, we become less dependent and we leave. It usually is after we have let go or our feelings have waned that we get noticed, that we too, become wanted. Did it take so long for the lights we flashed at them to get reflected? Did ours have to go out first?

And so, I’ve always thought, always wondered what the thing is with people pushing you away when you need them, want them and then suddenly wanting you when you’ve learned to live without them.

It’s happened to me many times. And most times, it didn’t matter much except on those nights that I drowned in melancholy, in gripping listlessness and I turned to the few people who I liked enough to talk to. Just talk randomly, but I never got anywhere. My messages were left unreplied and when I got them, they were drab, uninterestedly so. It seemed to me at first that they were essential — these people; I did need them but as months passed, I eventually let go. Then their messages came, flooded me. I didn’t need them anymore. I would’ve pushed, dunno why I didn’t. But that’s that.

The push then pull later thing transcends relationship types. In romantic relationships for instance, you have a guy who seriously likes a girl. He expresses his feelings and is left hanging. He tries, maybe, to get into a relationship and doesn’t get one. He’s left to buzz unattended to. And maybe after a time, a flame in her accends and she wants him — maybe it was always there but she just wasn’t willing. But not a lot of people can love for long with the same intensity. If their love remains unrequited for long, it weakens. If they enter into a relationship at this point and he doesn’t like her as much as he did before, he might not be as committed as he should be. He might enter, not because he still wants her, but because he doesn’t want to lose out or hasn’t found someonelse. And when things don’t go well or her heart is broken, she’ll use the usual all men are the same cliché. It could all happen with roles reversed.

It’s similar when one partner in a relationship becomes detached and then reconnects when the other person has began to lose interest.

Why are people like this? It’s sad when we get pushed, isn’t it? But when we look in the mirror, we see that we are both sides of the same coin. We get pushed, we pull and then we push and get pulled.

We all push. But it’s not karma; the reaping of what we have sown that causes us to get pushed too. Whether we push or not, we will get pushed and we will push others away too — sometimes, subconsciously. We can’t help it. It’s the distorted order of things.

  • I’ll post once a week now for consistency.
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